Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Why Your Mum should Never be Allowed on Facebook

(as promised)

Like me, you're probably stupid enough to accept your mum ('mom' if you're American and wrong) on facebook and be excited because she's one of your first friends and you've finally decided to join the huge 1.23 billion strong network of people.
If you are however about to start out on facebook, don't.

seriously, don't.

See, the thing about parents are, they've known you most if not all of your whole life (usually the latter). This means, they can seriously mess around with your life at the most inappropriate of times.

So here are my reasons why you should never have your mum on facebook


1. They can ruin your street cred.

Now, although this isn't my mum, this is awful. I'd probably cry if I ever saw this happen. I mean, innocent little you wants to put a status about boobs up on facebook in the hope that everyone will find it funny and think, 'yeah, what a lad, boobs.. awesome', when really it means one of two things.

1. Your mum is about to get more likes on that comment than you will on that entire status, which is just bad news because your friends will probably end up poking her (ON FACEBOOK). 
2. Your mum has just implied that you have absolutely zero game in trying to find romance in this tough, tough world. 

2. They can be just disgustingly awkward

Now, people who know me will know, that Jane, is my real mum. so when you see this, THIS IS ACTUALLY HER. You can now get an idea of how awkward it is when i see these sort of posts go up. 
They are awkward anyway, but when you have your friends on her facebook, which was never a good idea to let them add her, and they start liking these posts, and you see, you just feel like putting your head between two cars and asking the drivers to crash.

3. They could publicly show their man-crushes

Yep, that is still my mum. And this is how weird my life is. Remember, that I have only taken a selection of her status'. 
When any woman shows her affection to a male athlete, you think nothing of it. But when it's your mum, you want to cry. Especially when your mum just implied to the whole world that she watches illegal porn (pretty much just made that official incase the world didn't see). If you want to see more, you can find it all here.

4. Farmville and Candy Crush... enough said

We've all been here.. even if its not your mum (and your lying if its not), but we've all definitely been here. The THOUSANDS of invites you used to receive, and I'm only using farmville as an example (partly because its the most annoying). See, getting invites is bad, but then your mum will go ahead and create a whole status about the app and how to defeat it.

This may seem like an innocent status, but once your mum does this, all the other mums in the galaxy will start to comment. To be honest, I dont mind this so much, apart from my mum saying 'omg' which is just a nono.

5. Trying to use Text Writing

I don't actually have an image for this... because I have about 7000. Therefore, it doesn't require one. If by chance you are a mother and you are reading this blog, it is not okay to speak in text writing. It never has been okay, it never will be okay.
Kids are growing out of it now, so why do you think it's 'hip' to write words in text talk. 

I GUARANTEE if you have your mum on facebook you have seen her write the following:
1. lol
2. omg
3. u (instead of you)
4. lol again
5. brb

A word of advice mums out there. 'lol' means 'laugh out loud', not 'lots of love'. Okay?!

6. Constant Tagging you in Posts

This really doesn't need an explanation to how painfully awkward it is. 

People, it's okay, my mum does it to. I know it's a touchy subject, and I know sometimes this gets out of hand.

7. Embarrassing Status' About You

This, has happened to everyone (well not this, but the status thing). I mean, the embarrassing status is the one thing people fear the most. You do one slip up at home, or they see one thing or hear one thing, your parents suddenly think facebook is twitter and will decide to share their WHOLE LIFE.

ITS NOT EVEN TRUE, I WASN'T DANCING IN HEELS! JUST WANTED TO SEE IF THEY FIT. HAD ENOUGH OF IT.

8. The Childhood/Baby Photo


Believe it or not, there were cameras when you were a baby, and your mum will have thousands of you. Now, I don't want to put a baby photo on here, because frankly, my bare bum looks better now than my face then. But, my mum did post this gem of a photo. And yes, it's embarrassing, and no, I'm not Scottish, and yes, I called it a 'quilt' instead of a 'kilt'

BUT THAT NOTS THE POINT.

PARENTS: IT IS NOT OKAY TO UPLOAD PHOTOS OF YOUR KIDS WHEN THEY WERE KIDS ON FACEBOOK. 

If we wanted that up, we would have done it ourselves, which is why I've put it up here because I just look awesome.



So Basically, if any parents do read this... Please, think of your kids. We know you've had to wipe our bums on many an occasion and probably received a well place stream of wee into your eye when we were babies (we did it because you let us crap ourselves and pulled a face when you noticed we smelled), but that doesn't mean humiliate us. 
It means, be proud of us. IT'S NOT EASY TO HIT SUCH A SPECIFIC SPOT WHEN WEEING!

And to the children of parents.. basically everyone... delete your parents, because you know they've done all of this.. and if they haven't, it's just a matter of time.

- Oli


check out Molly's last post. How To Have a Long Distance Relationship by clicking here



#hashtags: #facebook #family #lifestyle #photo #tips #howto

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