Sunday, 9 March 2014

How to go to Nando's

Now, as we know, possibly the most famous restaurant for people to go to nowadays, other than McDonalds or KFC is probably Nando's. It's chicken heaven. The peri-peri chicken they serve up time and time and time and time and time and tiiiiimmmmeeee again to people who go as often as I do never fails to disappoint. 
But, Say you're on a blind date, and you really want to impress the man/woman you are with, because you met them, and they are SMOKING HOT, and you know you're going to thank your friend Patsy for setting you up. Say that all happens, and the date goes horribly... You'll probably be upset. Clearly, you want to do this the correct way no? You're in LUCK.

These are My Steps on How to go to Nando's... CORRECTLY

Incase you have never been to Nando's before, which is silly because you have, this is the sign you are looking out of. That lovely red writing makes even the fullest person hungry again, and the smells coming out of the door are enough to automatically send your feet moving towards the source.
So, when you walk in, you are greeted by a very happy member of staff, who will ask how many are in your party. Usually, this is a good time to tell them how many of you there are, so they can find an appropriate table, that has been expertly cleaned by another member of staff as you are walking over.

Next, they will ask the question. This question, has been asked more times than the first pole on flappy bird has been hit, and to my knowledge, that is approximately more than 23 times. IMMEDIATELY, you must reply, 'Yes, thousands of times, thank you'. If you do this, your date will assume that you know what you are talking about, immediately making them more attracted to you. You will totally be in control.

Upon having that question, you will glance at the menu, and study it hard. It's essential that you study it hard, because there could be something new that looks exciting on there. For example, today, I saw that nando's had introduced a meal of chicken thighs sitting above their butterfly chicken breast, looks absolutely lovely.
Even though you are studying it however, you will still get up and buy the exact same thing you have the past 17,000 times you've been here, but nobody likes someone too eager.

So your food is being cooked, and there is an inevitable awkward silence between you and your blind date (why wouldn't there be, you've never met each other.. you literally have nothing to talk about). This then, is an excellent time to update your twitter or facebook, telling the world where you are, and just in case, smack down as many #hashtags as you can think of (see what I did there.. mwahaha). This will let everyone know, that you are in Nando's, immediately making them jealous.

When your food does arrive, it is customary in Nando's to take at least 46 photos of your meal, from angles you didn't even know exist (this is a new angle i found earlier). If you don't do this, the people that have seen your twitter feed/facebook profile, will think your lying. This is a vital step. Upon doing so, you must upload it to every single social network (including instagram of course) that you know of, and whilst you're there, why not upload more #hashtags (oops, i did it again). 
But, do not upload more than one! If you have taken the mandatory 46, you must delete 45 of them, and just use the best one possible. Whilst you're there, why not tag your blind date too in the photo.

So now you have the social media side out of the way, you are about to tuck into your food. when suddenly, a wild employee appears
'Is everything okay here guys?'. 
Now, seeing as you're with a blind date, and you don't want to be rude, REPLY YES. Just say yes, and they will take that little chicken with the hole away.

The final step, is of course, eating the meal (optional). The only mandatory thing is now, to refill the s**t out of your drink so much, that you got your moneys worth from that machine. Careful though, don't want to look too thirsty in front of your date (pun of the century), they might get the wrong idea.

Once finished, leave in a mannerly fashion, saying thank you to the staff to look polite.

If done, you have completed the steps to Nando's and have most likely had the best meal of your life.

- Oli

disclaimer: I love Nando's and the post made, is written in a sarcastic manor, I mean no offence to any one nor the brand of staff of Nando's.
I really do go that much.

#hashtags: #nando's #nandos #food #fun #howto #lifestyle #tips

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